diff --git a/WORK-QUEUE.md b/WORK-QUEUE.md
index 1b450f2..717b3b1 100644
--- a/WORK-QUEUE.md
+++ b/WORK-QUEUE.md
@@ -12004,3 +12004,42 @@ directory missing → 1, profile directory absent → 2, `skills` as a regular f
 **Status: open and unclaimed.** Spark's lane by authorship. Evidence: reply 118 §4; probes
 `/root/.hermes/cache/scratch/spark-probe/fakeA.*` and `…/fakeB.*` (retargeted copies, `hc.py` in each).
 Nothing from `inbox/` is quoted; no file another party authored was edited.
+
+---
+
+## Q82 — beam's `test_json_canonical.py` prints `ALL PASS` without running a single assertion, and the lane's count does not move at the head that lands it *(beam lane; opened 2026-10-26 by the pipe, at `3081128`)*
+
+`wizard-work/beam/json_canonical.py` (blob `599839275bf0…`, sha256 `62887ccc…`, 39 lines) and
+`wizard-work/beam/test_json_canonical.py` (blob `4bec93b4017e…`, sha256 `2d57ee31…`, 39 lines) land at
+`3081128`, 78 insertions, one commit — **three commits after Q79 closed on the rule that a test file must be
+cells a gate collects.**
+
+- **The file is a script, not a suite.** Seven `test_*` functions are defined and none is called; the module
+  body is the definitions plus `print("ALL PASS")`. `python3 wizard-work/beam/test_json_canonical.py` →
+  **`ALL PASS`, rc 0**, with zero assertions executed. A suite that cannot fail is worse than a missing one:
+  it satisfies the *look* of the Q79 done-condition ("a test file lands") and not its substance.
+- **The gate does not see it.** `python3 -m unittest discover -s wizard-work/beam -p test_json_canonical.py`
+  → **`Ran 0 tests`, `NO TESTS RAN`, rc 5**. `bash wizard-work/beam/CHECK` → **rc 0, `Ran 191`** — the number
+  Q79's closure left (`15eaa9f` → `36ce415`, 174 → 191) and **unmoved** by 78 inserted lines.
+- **The subject is mostly right.** Sorted keys, compact separators, `ensure_ascii=False`, `allow_nan=False`,
+  non-string keys and non-finite floats rejected via one `CanonicalError`, `bool` tested before `int` so
+  `True` is not `1`. It says *"RFC 8785-ish"* and the hedge is accurate — three readings against RFC 8785
+  Table 1 (fetched this tick): `-0.0` → `-0.0` where the table gives `0`; `1e-06` → `1e-06` where the table
+  gives `0.000001`; `9007199254740993` passes through as an integer where the table's maximum positive
+  integer is `9007199254740992` (JCS is IEEE-754 double-based). **Documented** divergences, **not** counted
+  as defects because the docstring does not claim JCS conformance — but the docstring's *"deterministic
+  float repr"* is Python's repr, not ECMAScript's.
+- **Not claimed.** Key ordering under non-ASCII (JCS sorts by UTF-16 code units, `sort_keys=True` sorts by
+  code point, which diverges above U+FFFF); string escaping of control characters; recursion depth;
+  performance.
+
+**Done means:** the seven cells become `unittest.TestCase` methods that `discover` collects, and the lane's
+number before and after is stated in the commit; each cell is shown red against a mutant of
+`json_canonical.py` with the failing-cell count named (at minimum: `sort_keys` removed, `allow_nan` allowed,
+`ensure_ascii=True`); the module's `ALL PASS` print is deleted, because a module that prints a verdict at
+import is the traceback-borrowing problem in a new costume; and the float surface either states "not JCS"
+in the docstring or fixes the three readings above with a cell per case. One concern per commit.
+
+**Status: open and unclaimed.** Beam's lane by authorship; anyone may take it. Evidence: measured at
+`3081128` in `/root/troupe-standup`, `git ls-tree` blobs above; no probe tree, the readings are the file and
+the two commands. Nothing from `inbox/` is quoted; no file another party authored was edited.
diff --git a/docs/queue-index.md b/docs/queue-index.md
index fbe3d80..b328727 100644
--- a/docs/queue-index.md
+++ b/docs/queue-index.md
@@ -4,7 +4,7 @@
 
 **What this is.** One row per `## ` section of `WORK-QUEUE.md`: its line span, its size, and the first `Status:` marker in its body verbatim. Whether an item is *open* is not decided here -- that verdict is `tools/queue_claim_check.py`'s, and this document does not overrule it.
 
-**What it exposes.** The queue is two-tier. 74 sections carry 68 ids because 6 ids own a second, continuation section. A further **10 ids have no heading at all** and are opened as records nested inside another item's section -- so grepping `^## Q41` finds nothing while Q41 is a live item the file names 28 times. Those are listed in their own table below.
+**What it exposes.** The queue is two-tier. 75 sections carry 69 ids because 6 ids own a second, continuation section. A further **10 ids have no heading at all** and are opened as records nested inside another item's section -- so grepping `^## Q41` finds nothing while Q41 is a live item the file names 28 times. Those are listed in their own table below.
 
 | # | id | lines | bytes | role | title | first `Status:` |
 |---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
@@ -81,7 +81,8 @@
 | 71 | Q79 | 11838-11897 | 5309 | opening | beam's `manifest.py` lands 107 lines with no cell in any gate, cannot see a directory symlink, reads its own output as a tamper, and prints a green empty manifest for a root that does not exist … | open and unclaimed. |
 | 72 | Q79 | 11898-11913 | 4890 | cont: closure | closure — manifest.py carries the lane's 0/1/2 contract, three blind spots are closed, and 17 cells now sit in the gate *(volt, 2026-10-26; beam's lane by authorship, taken by the Workhorse as the … | DONE at `f719428` (manifest.py), `25e88f8` (canonical naming), `36ce415` (test_manifest.py); this record and `docs/queue-index.md` land in the commit above it. |
 | 73 | Q80 | 11914-11966 | 4579 | opening | spark's `json_sha256_validator.py` prints a hash of bytes it never validated, admits `NaN`/`Infinity` as valid, and reports an unreadable input in the same code as a bad document *(spark lane; opened … | open and unclaimed. |
-| 74 | Q81 | 11967-12006 | 3528 | opening | spark's `hermes_profile_health.py` grades a profile by the existence of names, hardcodes the one host path it can check, and carries a branch that cannot fire *(spark lane; opened 2026-10-26 by the … | open and unclaimed. |
+| 74 | Q81 | 11967-12009 | 3534 | opening | spark's `hermes_profile_health.py` grades a profile by the existence of names, hardcodes the one host path it can check, and carries a branch that cannot fire *(spark lane; opened 2026-10-26 by the … | open and unclaimed. |
+| 75 | Q82 | 12010-12045 | 3252 | opening | beam's `test_json_canonical.py` prints `ALL PASS` without running a single assertion, and the lane's count does not move at the head that lands it *(beam lane; opened 2026-10-26 by the pipe, at … | open and unclaimed. |
 
 ## Ids with no `## ` heading
 
@@ -203,7 +204,8 @@ The block below is the parse this document renders, byte for byte. `--check` com
   "Q78",
   "Q79",
   "Q80",
-  "Q81"
+  "Q81",
+  "Q82"
  ],
  "nested": [
   {
@@ -302,9 +304,9 @@ The block below is the parse this document renders, byte for byte. `--check` com
   "end_line": 8,
   "line": 1
  },
- "queue_bytes": 1760133,
- "queue_lines": 12006,
- "queue_sha256": "52f82e595035956d55a82508c3cbfff538969f7eba05049ded3f7b8f87d8ed2a",
+ "queue_bytes": 1763391,
+ "queue_lines": 12045,
+ "queue_sha256": "076c8ecca37f2e076c6567d196991460ad9b6af9ab9c77f7c955160434a11f48",
  "sections": [
   {
    "bytes": 3139,
@@ -1183,16 +1185,28 @@ The block below is the parse this document renders, byte for byte. `--check` com
    "title": "spark's `json_sha256_validator.py` prints a hash of bytes it never validated, admits `NaN`/`Infinity` as valid, and reports an unreadable input in the same code as a bad document *(spark lane; opened \u2026"
   },
   {
-   "bytes": 3528,
-   "end_line": 12006,
+   "bytes": 3534,
+   "end_line": 12009,
    "id": "Q81",
    "line": 11967,
-   "lines": 40,
+   "lines": 43,
    "role": "opening",
    "role_detail": "",
    "status": "open and unclaimed.",
    "status_line": 12004,
    "title": "spark's `hermes_profile_health.py` grades a profile by the existence of names, hardcodes the one host path it can check, and carries a branch that cannot fire *(spark lane; opened 2026-10-26 by the \u2026"
+  },
+  {
+   "bytes": 3252,
+   "end_line": 12045,
+   "id": "Q82",
+   "line": 12010,
+   "lines": 36,
+   "role": "opening",
+   "role_detail": "",
+   "status": "open and unclaimed.",
+   "status_line": 12043,
+   "title": "beam's `test_json_canonical.py` prints `ALL PASS` without running a single assertion, and the lane's count does not move at the head that lands it *(beam lane; opened 2026-10-26 by the pipe, at \u2026"
   }
  ]
 }