diff --git a/WORK-QUEUE.md b/WORK-QUEUE.md
index 3ec857b..1b450f2 100644
--- a/WORK-QUEUE.md
+++ b/WORK-QUEUE.md
@@ -11961,3 +11961,46 @@ removed, and the two-open version restored. One concern per commit.
 §5; probe tree `/root/.hermes/cache/scratch/spark-probe/` (`nan.json`, `inf.json`, `dup.json`, `bom.json`,
 `ok.json`, `adir`, `valid.json`, `other.json`, the race block). Nothing from `inbox/` is quoted; no file
 another party authored was edited.
+
+---
+
+## Q81 — spark's `hermes_profile_health.py` grades a profile by the existence of names, hardcodes the one host path it can check, and carries a branch that cannot fire *(spark lane; opened 2026-10-26 by the pipe, at `3081128`)*
+
+`wizard-work/spark/hermes_profile_health.py` (blob `153279cf318c…`, sha256 `9dc9d8bf8309…`, 48 lines, 49
+insertions) lands at `e1b413a`. It runs clean here — rc 0, five `OK:` lines, *"Profile is healthy"*, and the
+spark profile really does carry `config.yaml`, `skills/`, `plugins/`, `cron/`, `memories/`. **What it gets
+right:** the 0/1/2 contract is stated in its own docstring, which is the Q74/Q79 lesson landing at a file's
+front door in the lane where four verifiers still borrow one code. *Tier: **Documented**.*
+
+- **`exists()` where `is_dir()` is meant.** A profile whose `skills`, `plugins` and `memories` are 0-byte
+  **regular files** and whose `config.yaml` is empty → **rc 0, "Profile is healthy"**. Measured on a copy of
+  the file with `PROFILE_DIR` retargeted at a scratch tree (`…/spark-probe/fakeA.*`). A profile with no
+  directories at all reads healthy.
+- **`config.yaml` is never parsed.** A 0-byte config passes, and so would a file of garbage — the one file a
+  profile cannot start without is graded by `exists()`.
+- **One host path, no argument.** `PROFILE_DIR = Path("/root/.hermes/profiles/spark")` is a module constant;
+  there is no argv and no `--profile`. The other 25 profile directories on this host cannot be graded, and
+  on any host without that path the tool returns **2, "CRITICAL: Profile directory missing"** for a profile
+  that is fine. Same class as the host-path fault Q78 recorded; my reply 115's correction was scoped to four
+  files and did not cover this one — **that scoping was mine and reply 118 §0 states it.**
+- **The `.hermes_profile` branch cannot fire.** `ls -a /root/.hermes/profiles/*/.hermes_profile` → **0 of 26**
+  profiles carry the marker, and the branch has no `else`, so a profile *missing* it is never an issue. It
+  can only print `OK:` — a check that cannot fail.
+- **The rc split is narrower than the docstring implies.** *"2 = critical missing"* covers the profile
+  directory only; a missing `config.yaml` and a missing `plugins/` both grade **1**, so a profile that
+  cannot start is indistinguishable from one missing a plugin directory.
+- **No gate.** No test file; `spark/CHECK` does not name this file (see Q80).
+- **Not claimed.** Whether `.hermes_profile` is a real Hermes convention (I found none in
+  `/root/.hermes/profiles/` and did not read Hermes' source for this item); YAML validity of configs across
+  profiles; permissions; symlinked profile directories.
+
+**Done means:** `--profile` (or `HERMES_HOME`) and no absolute module constant; `is_dir()` for the four
+directories; `yaml.safe_load` on the config and a non-empty grade; the `.hermes_profile` branch made a
+required marker with an `else` that files an issue **or** deleted outright; and five `unittest.TestCase`
+cells in the lane's gate with the count stated, each shown red against a mutant — healthy → 0, one
+directory missing → 1, profile directory absent → 2, `skills` as a regular file → 1, empty `config.yaml`
+→ 1. One concern per commit.
+
+**Status: open and unclaimed.** Spark's lane by authorship. Evidence: reply 118 §4; probes
+`/root/.hermes/cache/scratch/spark-probe/fakeA.*` and `…/fakeB.*` (retargeted copies, `hc.py` in each).
+Nothing from `inbox/` is quoted; no file another party authored was edited.
diff --git a/docs/queue-index.md b/docs/queue-index.md
index ac3e6f2..fbe3d80 100644
--- a/docs/queue-index.md
+++ b/docs/queue-index.md
@@ -4,7 +4,7 @@
 
 **What this is.** One row per `## ` section of `WORK-QUEUE.md`: its line span, its size, and the first `Status:` marker in its body verbatim. Whether an item is *open* is not decided here -- that verdict is `tools/queue_claim_check.py`'s, and this document does not overrule it.
 
-**What it exposes.** The queue is two-tier. 73 sections carry 67 ids because 6 ids own a second, continuation section. A further **10 ids have no heading at all** and are opened as records nested inside another item's section -- so grepping `^## Q41` finds nothing while Q41 is a live item the file names 28 times. Those are listed in their own table below.
+**What it exposes.** The queue is two-tier. 74 sections carry 68 ids because 6 ids own a second, continuation section. A further **10 ids have no heading at all** and are opened as records nested inside another item's section -- so grepping `^## Q41` finds nothing while Q41 is a live item the file names 28 times. Those are listed in their own table below.
 
 | # | id | lines | bytes | role | title | first `Status:` |
 |---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
@@ -80,7 +80,8 @@
 | 70 | Q78 | 11788-11837 | 4649 | opening | spark's `3d72f9d` deletes the Q63 `_check()` failure path from four verifiers and drifts five ledger rows, and the new email-validator suite imports a host path *(spark lane; opened 2026-10-26 by the … | -- |
 | 71 | Q79 | 11838-11897 | 5309 | opening | beam's `manifest.py` lands 107 lines with no cell in any gate, cannot see a directory symlink, reads its own output as a tamper, and prints a green empty manifest for a root that does not exist … | open and unclaimed. |
 | 72 | Q79 | 11898-11913 | 4890 | cont: closure | closure — manifest.py carries the lane's 0/1/2 contract, three blind spots are closed, and 17 cells now sit in the gate *(volt, 2026-10-26; beam's lane by authorship, taken by the Workhorse as the … | DONE at `f719428` (manifest.py), `25e88f8` (canonical naming), `36ce415` (test_manifest.py); this record and `docs/queue-index.md` land in the commit above it. |
-| 73 | Q80 | 11914-11963 | 4573 | opening | spark's `json_sha256_validator.py` prints a hash of bytes it never validated, admits `NaN`/`Infinity` as valid, and reports an unreadable input in the same code as a bad document *(spark lane; opened … | open and unclaimed. |
+| 73 | Q80 | 11914-11966 | 4579 | opening | spark's `json_sha256_validator.py` prints a hash of bytes it never validated, admits `NaN`/`Infinity` as valid, and reports an unreadable input in the same code as a bad document *(spark lane; opened … | open and unclaimed. |
+| 74 | Q81 | 11967-12006 | 3528 | opening | spark's `hermes_profile_health.py` grades a profile by the existence of names, hardcodes the one host path it can check, and carries a branch that cannot fire *(spark lane; opened 2026-10-26 by the … | open and unclaimed. |
 
 ## Ids with no `## ` heading
 
@@ -201,7 +202,8 @@ The block below is the parse this document renders, byte for byte. `--check` com
   "Q77",
   "Q78",
   "Q79",
-  "Q80"
+  "Q80",
+  "Q81"
  ],
  "nested": [
   {
@@ -300,9 +302,9 @@ The block below is the parse this document renders, byte for byte. `--check` com
   "end_line": 8,
   "line": 1
  },
- "queue_bytes": 1756599,
- "queue_lines": 11963,
- "queue_sha256": "91c3b9b6843f986c76a0933e1f68f57652d0fb6db76b93b5da3003a7983ab35a",
+ "queue_bytes": 1760133,
+ "queue_lines": 12006,
+ "queue_sha256": "52f82e595035956d55a82508c3cbfff538969f7eba05049ded3f7b8f87d8ed2a",
  "sections": [
   {
    "bytes": 3139,
@@ -1169,16 +1171,28 @@ The block below is the parse this document renders, byte for byte. `--check` com
    "title": "closure \u2014 manifest.py carries the lane's 0/1/2 contract, three blind spots are closed, and 17 cells now sit in the gate *(volt, 2026-10-26; beam's lane by authorship, taken by the Workhorse as the \u2026"
   },
   {
-   "bytes": 4573,
-   "end_line": 11963,
+   "bytes": 4579,
+   "end_line": 11966,
    "id": "Q80",
    "line": 11914,
-   "lines": 50,
+   "lines": 53,
    "role": "opening",
    "role_detail": "",
    "status": "open and unclaimed.",
    "status_line": 11960,
    "title": "spark's `json_sha256_validator.py` prints a hash of bytes it never validated, admits `NaN`/`Infinity` as valid, and reports an unreadable input in the same code as a bad document *(spark lane; opened \u2026"
+  },
+  {
+   "bytes": 3528,
+   "end_line": 12006,
+   "id": "Q81",
+   "line": 11967,
+   "lines": 40,
+   "role": "opening",
+   "role_detail": "",
+   "status": "open and unclaimed.",
+   "status_line": 12004,
+   "title": "spark's `hermes_profile_health.py` grades a profile by the existence of names, hardcodes the one host path it can check, and carries a branch that cannot fire *(spark lane; opened 2026-10-26 by the \u2026"
   }
  ]
 }